Tube Rant

I spend far too much of my time travelling on the tube. During these unfotunate times, I have discovered a great many (too many) grievances. You may be able to relate to a few if you live in London:

1. Over-crowded tubes. If you can actually squeeze yourself into a carriage, you find yourself pressed against one or more strangers, head tilted upwards to try gasping for oxygen.
   
   
2. When pressed against said stranger, it doesn't help if she/he/it has (a.) bad breath (b.) bodily odours (and I ain't talking flowers).
   
   
3. When a tube is so overcrowded it can't squeeze you in. I know I have just ranted about squashed carriages, but when you're running late you don't care how crammed that carriage is.
   
   
4. People with bags. A lady carrying a large handbag may not realise that the square area of her handbag is actually the equivalent to a large baby. Similarly, men's briefcases are often on my leg-knocking offenders' list. I think the worst genre of bag offenders would have to be the backpack carriers. They dosh you round the face on the tube, but don't even realise and just keep on walking on in their blissful backpack ignorance. Don't even get me started on suitcases in rush hour.
   
   
5. Eating smelly food on the tube. 'Please don't eat smelly food' signs are there for a reason people.
   
   
6. Listening to your iPod with earphones that could well be speakerphones.
   
   
7. Talking at a high decibel on your mobile phone. Yes, thank-you Shelley, we didn't all need to know that your boyfriend dumped you last night while you were out on the piss.
   
   
8. Drunken louts at night. Especially if they start flirting/talking to you.
   
   
9. Over-zealous couples.
   
   
10. Delayed tubes. An obvious negative, but frustrating and unavoidable all the same.
    
    
11. Getting stuck in a tunnel for a prolonged period of time, especially if it's
    crowded (please see 1 and 2).
    
    
12. Obese people who take up more than one seat on the tube. It's just selfish really.
    
    
13. Farting. Yes it happens. The culprits are often silent farters whose fartish smells then proceed to fill the whole carriage. Beware if you are standing next to one of these culprits; people may think the smell originates from yourself.

I'm sure I could think of many more, in fact I probably will when I catch my favourite mode of transport again tomorrow.

In the meantime I am actually turning this tube 'rant' into a three week feature. Each week I will write about tube related topics.

Next week please the next tube-blog for Tube Praise.